Advising Alyssa

Travel time in our family vehicle seems to have become the time in which Alyssa becomes very inquisitive.  Her topics of discussion are usually topics that are off beat and have nothing to do with anything that is happening at the current moments in time nor do they have any relation to anything that we've recently passed on the road.  I'm not quite sure if it's the drive time that allows her to de-clutter her thoughts and focus and reflect on things that interest her or if it's just out of boredom that she comes up with some of her inquiries but there's one guarantee: every time we get in that vehicle for more than 10 minutes you're going to get grilled.

It is no secret that our six year old is very inquisitive and thrives on learning and knowledge.  The more technical  and detailed the instructions or discussion is the more engaged she becomes.  As of late we've fielded many questions from her ranging from our topics on store Santa's, the difference in the double meanings of words such as country (rural town/nation), and the enormity of our universe as it is compared to our planet.  We've also covered lessons on subjects concerning strangers, religions, discrimination and bullying.  None of these, however, could have prepared me for the questions that I was going to have to field this past week.

Now before I go on with the story I should inform you that my husband and I do not believe in telling our children false stories when they ask direct questions.  We believe in answering them truthfully while keeping in mind that our answers are appropriate for their ages.  We also encourage them to research things that they are interested in and to find the answers to those questions we feel we cannot sufficiently answer ourselves. We also allow our children to take the answers that they have found and were given and create their own opinions/beliefs on the topic at hand rather than force the opinions/beliefs of others upon them.  This we believe allows them to find the right road in life for them and not one which someone else would choose for them.  Remember we are hear to teach and guide them.

As we sat outside of the Half Price Books store on Saturday afternoon waiting for Michael to finish his purchase Alyssa asked "Can a woman have a baby without having a husband?"  Startled at first I wasn't sure what to say but I quickly recovered and responded with "Yes, women have babies every day without having a husband.  When I had you, you're father and I were not yet married. That happened just before you turned two."  After pondering over that for a few seconds she then asked "How are babies made?"  To which I responded "We've already discussed before that they grow inside of the mother's belly."  Without skipping a beat she said "Yeah, I know, but how do the become a baby? How do they get there? What makes them?"  Totally baffled and not quite sure on how to field these new questions I explained to her that "there is a special love between a man and a woman that creates a baby."  "How does that love create the baby?" was her next question.  Again trying not to go into any real detail and keeping in mind that she is only six I once again told her that when a man and a woman are together they share a special loving bond with one another that creates a baby which the mother then carries in her belly until it is ready to be born.  At this point she just sort of let it go and we figured her satisfied.  This is where we were wrong.

Earlier that day we were in the bookstore looking for a birthday present for our 15 year old when Alyssa asked if we'd purchase a Children's First Encyclopedia for her so that she could learn about some "real" stuff.  Well let's just say that two days after purchasing that encyclopedia she discovered pages 122 and 123 titled "How Babies Grow".  After reading the pages she was quick to come and tell us how she'd learned that when a man's sperm joins with a woman's egg it fertilizes the egg and a baby starts to grow.  This apparently is the answer that she was looking for and wanted to make sure that we understood how it works too. Thank goodness there were no questions about how the sperm from the man gets to where it can join with the woman's egg. **phew**

The next inquiry from Alyssa came yesterday as we were leaving the Dallas Museum of Art.  I was nervously trying to navigate the streets of downtown Dallas in search of getting back onto the correct interstate to head home when from the backseat comes the question "Mom, why do mommies bleed and have to wear those diaper things?"  Trying to buy myself a little thinking time I quickly asked her to wait until I'd found the interstate and was on it before I answered because I didn't want to get lost.  I have to admit this was the truth.  If I were to start answering questions like that in detail and allowed my mind to wander from the task at hand (getting back onto the interstate) we would still be driving around the downtown area trying to find our way home.  So about 5 minutes later the interstate was found for the 3rd time and we were finally on it heading home.  In no time Alyssa asked "So, are you going to answer my question now?"  Geez Louise, this child doesn't forget anything.  After some careful thought I explained to her how she'd already learned that a mother's body holds eggs which are used to create a baby.  "Once a month the body releases one of these eggs and it travels through the fallopian tubes (you know those things that look like motorcycle handlebars) to the uterus (where the baby grows).  While this is happening the lining or walls of the uterus also thin 'causing the woman to bleed.  Those diaper looking things or sanitary napkins as they're called are worn to collect the blood and keep it from getting all over the woman's clothes."  Now she looked at me in a strange and disgusted way through my rear view mirror and asked "Where does the egg come from and why don't you and Dad get pregnant again?"  To which I responded, "Well honey, you know those round things on the end of the motorcycle handlebars inside of the woman's body?  Well those are called the ovaries and they hold thousands of little tiny eggs inside of them.  Mommy and Daddy don't get pregnant again because we take precautions and medicines to ensure that we don't have any more babies."  The rest of our conversation went like this:

Alyssa "What happens if you run out of eggs?"
 Me "Then I can't have any more babies ever." 
Alyssa "Do Dad's bleed too?"
Me "No."
Alyssa: "Why not?" 
Me: "Only girls once they reach the age of being a young woman and women have what they call the menstrual cycle.  That's how God made it." 
Alyssa: "Wow, he was gross!"

At that our conversation was over and I was left wondering where in the hell this child comes up with these questions and why does it only happen when we're in the car?  I love the fact that she is inquisitive and is comfortable with asking about whatever it is that grasps her interest but seriously shouldn't these be questions that I answer when she's twelve, not six.  Now while she is in school this week I am surely taking a closer look at that encyclopedia as well as her other reading materials so that I can be better prepared for our next round of questions. Hopefully my next test will be on something like space or mythical creatures.