Teaching a Little Responsibility

With responsibility seeming to be our family topic lately I have decided that it was finally time to introduce the kids to chore charts.  The purpose of these charts is to make them a little more responsible for their every day routines and to teach them to do so without having me tell them to do it.

With a family of five things can get very hectic and crazy at times and I have to admit that one of the most exhausting tasks of being a mother is running behind everyone else ensuring that they are doing the things that they are supposed to do.  Did you do your homework?  Is your room clean?  Please go take a bath.  Did you brush your teeth?  Please pick up your dirty dishes.  Please put your dirty clothes in the hamper?  Please take out the trash. Did you put your clothes away?  Is your school bag ready for tomorrow?  These are all phrases that every mother is familiar with (and if you aren't yet, just wait you will be) and can make you feel like a broken record. Especially when you are having to repeat them on a daily basis to your teenager.

Now as a mother I am a firm believer in teaching my children responsibility at a very early age.  As soon as they began walking they were taught to pick up after themselves.  My theory is that if they are old enough to drag it out to play with it they are definitely old enough to help you clean it up.  When they began to talk they were taught to use such words as thank you, please, excuse me, sir, ma'am, no thank you, etc.  As babies I taught them how to share with others.  I believe that everything you teach them in the first 5 years of their lives is the core foundation for the types of persons they will one day grow up to be and those lessons have to start at birth.  Unfortunately, not all parents see it that way and because of their responsibilities and lack of possible knowledge we are left with a generation and eventually a society full of children whom will grow up to be irresponsible, inconsiderate and uneducated themselves.  It is a vicious cycle that unfortunately I cannot myself break but I can ensure that it doesn't happen with my children.

As you all know my 15 year old step-son moved in with us this past August.  His reasoning for wanting to now reside with us and attend high school here in North Texas was because he wanted to do better for himself, he wants to go to college and believed that we would provide the best opportunity for him to do so and he wanted to spend time with his younger siblings and father.  Since his arrival our lives have been on one major roller coaster after another.  At fifteen years of age he has never been given any responsibilities. He has never been limited or censored on the shows that he watches, the games that he plays or the music that he listens to. He has never had a set schedule that he had to follow and because of all of this he takes no initiative in doing anything without being told to do so first.  This even includes showering, brushing teeth and personal grooming/hygiene.  So it's almost needless to say that him becoming accustomed to our way of living has been a very difficult and tiresome road for us all.

In my household each member of the family is given the task of doing a set of chores that is completely reasonable and to their capabilities.  Of course the older the child the more difficult the chore may be.  I do not believe in using my children as "slave labor" and don't ask them to do anything that I myself will not or do not do but I do believe in them putting in their share of efforts in maintaining the household.  Other than being responsible for themselves, their rooms and their toys I do ask that each of them (including my 3 year old) clear away their dirty dishes after meals, put away their own clothing and help with household chores such as changing out the laundry, dusting and sweeping for the little ones and taking out the trash, emptying the dishwasher and cleaning the bathroom for the oldest.  They do not fix their own meals, wash their own clothes, or take care of the lawn.  Well okay, occasionally they may fix their own sandwiches or drinks and I may ask them to just put their clothes into the washer for me but again it is all done under close supervision and allows them a sense of responsibility and independence.

But anyway, let's get back to the subject.  With Dalton now with us and the constant struggle and discussions concerning responsibility we continue to have with him on a weekly if not daily basis I have come to the conclusion that something needs to change. I have also noticed that some of his "habits" have been rubbing off on the little ones.  There was a time when Alyssa could not stand to have anything in her room dirty or out of place and as of lately it has been extremely disorganized and messy.  When asked to do something it becomes a battle in which they are usually threatened with the punishment of loosing a luxury before they will do it. And the biggest of my pet peeves is the constant complaining about how tired and exhausted they are when they've sat around doing nothing all day to begin with.  This constant struggle with my children has done nothing lately other than left me feeling exhausted, depressed, sick and angry.  Something definitely has to change.  They have to get back on track with doing things without me having to supervise it every second of the day and they have to do it on their own accord.

My solution: Chore Charts!  Each child is now being given a set of three chore charts, one for the morning, one for the afternoon, and one for after dinner.  They will be required to do the chores listed on a daily basis (unless otherwise specified) and they will be required to do them without my help or telling them to do so (with the exception of Cayden).  For each task that they successfully complete they will earn a star on their chart.  At the end of the week those whom have completed all of their chores on a daily basis will earn the chance to draw a coupon out of a jar.  Each coupon will entitle them to one reward that will consist of a movie rental from Red box, one hour video game time, one hour computer time, a trip to the dollar cinema, any one thing of their liking from the Dollar Tree, or an ice cream cone from McDonald's. For each task that they fail to complete they will forfeit to me either 15 minutes of television time or another privilege for that day.  The only exemptions to the rules will be if they are out of town/away from home.  Hopefully this will be the solution to restoring peace, cleanliness and sanity back into my home while teaching each child some responsibility and independence.