What A Difference A Decade Can Make

Today is the day before I am to turn 35. Today is also the day that I returned my books to the bookstore marking the end of my final semester at Eastfield Community College. As I walked across the parking lot and returned those books I felt a sense of weight lifting off of my shoulders along with a sense of accomplishment and a sense of sadness. The semester is finally over (except for that last weight training class tomorrow night) and I can finally begin to relax just a little bit knowing that there are no more assignments to be completed and turned in, no more deadlines, and no more papers to write. Yes I still have to take the THEA exam this weekend for UTA but that's nothing compared to the pressures I've felt all semester.

As I buckled my seatbelt and looked up at the sky I took a moment to reflect on where I am now and where I used to be. Just 10 years ago this was me:

I was getting ready to turn 25, had already assumed a parental role with Dalton, was pregnant with Alyssa, had dropped out of college twice, and was unmarried. Sure I looked happy but I was terrified. I worked for the Audubon Nature Institute at the time as an Administrative Assistant and had no intentions of giving that up. I thought then, that I would one day end up being a career driven, corporate mother. I had no clue what life really had in store for me.

Now on the eve of my 35th birthday I sit here proud to be the mother of 3 beautiful, intelligent, and compassionate children. I have completed my final semester at Eastfield Community College and have earned my Associates in Arts degree and am heading for the University of Texas-Arlington in the fall to begin my Bachelors of Interdisciplinary Studies with an EC-6/ESL teacher certification. I am a proud member of the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society, the Mesquite ISD School Health  Advisory Council (SHAC), and the PTA at McKenzie Elementary. I have been awarded the honor of being named to the Dean's list each semester that I have attended college since 2011 and I have successfully completed our school district's A.L.I.V.E program that is offered for community members. I have also been married for the past 8 years and have spent the past 11 years with my husband.

We've lost our home twice in those 11 years, once to Hurricane Katrina and once to the economy. We had a son born with spina bifida and tethered cord syndrome who is just perfect now. We've faced poverty, illnesses, deaths, debts, job losses, and bankruptcy. We've also celebrated many birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, accomplishments, and achievements.

Gone are the days in which I sought to be the head of a major corporation. Gone are the days when I played music. Gone are the days of late night partying with friends. I traded all of those things for a life of being a wife, a stay at home mother, an active member in the community, and a student. My passions include my family, education, teaching, and helping others.

While there were once days that I declared I'd never have kids, I'd never become a teacher, and my sons would all have long hair, I could not imagine my life being different than it is now. I love my kids! I love being in the classroom with kids and watching their faces light up in those moments when they finally understand something, and as for my boys...well they can do whatever they want with their hair.

As I look back over the past 10 years I can see just how much I have really changed and grown and am still in the process of doing both. Life doesn't end when you become an adult, when you get married, or when you have kids. It only ends when you stop learning and stop growing.

A decade sounds like it is so long but, honestly, it's just a small fraction of the time that we have here on Earth. As I look back on my past decade I am amazed to see how much difference 10 years can really make.

2004

2005 

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

2010

2011

2012

2013

2014

Mesquite ISD...New Graduation Plans and STAAR Accountability Standards

This morning I had the privilege to attend the Mesquite ISD's "Key Communicators" breakfast. This is an annual breakfast where those members of the community who are involved and interested in what is happening within our school district are invited to attend and learn from district leaders the current state of the district and current issues that Mesquite ISD is facing. This was my second year attending.

After introducing our President of the Board of Trustees, Mr. Robert Seward, and following his warm words of welcome, District Superintendent, Dr. Linda Henrie, introduced a few more district leaders followed by a quick briefing on district accomplishments over the past year as well as some key issues that the district will be facing in the near future. Amongst those topics were talks about upcoming bond updates, House Bill No. 5, the proposed voucher system for virtual and charter schools, school finances, budgeting, and how community donations have helped to pay for 177 AP exams for underprivileged students. I had no clue that we even had that last one!

Now, its no secret, I love our school district! We have some of the most amazing teachers in our classrooms and the most awesome administrators across the expanse of the district who get up every morning to fight not only for what is best for our students and our district, but also what is best for our community. I love how open and welcoming our schools are to their parents as well as our district is to our community. Dr. Henrie said this morning "If you have any questions or concerns please call my office. I would love to talk with you..." and I know that she meant it. Honestly people, if we don't give our district feedback (positive or negative) how will they ever know if what they are doing is working? And this was coming from the District Superintendent; a Superintendent who routinely visits school campuses, attends district sporting events, rides the school bus with children in the mornings, and makes countless appearances and participates in district as well as community functions. I guarantee that you won't find a Superintendent like Dr. Henrie over in Dallas ISD. However, no matter how much I love our school district, there are always some things that make me raise my eyebrows and this morning was no different. Often times these topics are not necessarily the fault of our school district leaders, but rather are the faults of the Texas Board of Education and our representatives in legislature as was the case this morning. Two topics really stood out this morning that I think all parents need to be made aware of even if your child does not attend school in Mesquite, TX.

The first topic was presented by Dr. Cathy Rideout, the school district's Associate Superintendent of Instructional Services and was accompanied by the following print out of the Mesquite ISD Graduation Plan that will go into effect next year (2014-2015):

Now please excuse my handwritten notes but I wanted to make sure that I fully understand how this is going to work. As Dr. Rideout explained, in order to understand this chart we have to begin at the bottom and work our way up. To begin, all students (ELL, ESL, and students with disabilities) will be required to meet the minimum course requirements, a.k.a. the "Foundation High School Program (FHSP)" in order to graduate. The requirements for this program are listed at the bottom of the chart and are as follows: 4 years of English, 3 years of Science, 3 years of Math, 3 years of Social Studies, 1 year of Physical Education, 1 year of Fine Arts, 1/2 year of Speech, 1/2 year of health, 2 years of LOTE (Language Other Than English), 1 year of a Technology Course, and 5 electives for a total of 24 credit units in order to graduate. Pretty simple right? Well now it's going to get complicated. Under the new program 8th graders will now be required to select an area of endorsement from five different areas: STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics), Business & Industry, Public Services, Arts & Humanities, or Multi-Disciplinary. The idea is very much similar to picking a major area of studies in college. All students including special education and ESL/ELL will be required to pick an area of endorsement. Under each area is listed the criteria that the students will have to meet in order to successfully graduate with their specified endorsement. For example, a student who chooses the STEM endorsement would now have to not only complete the requirements for the FHSP program but they would also have to complete either an additional Math, Science, STEM Career Cluster, or STEM Combination in order to graduate. Once the student has chosen an endorsement program, it may be changed at any time but students do need to keep in mind that altering the program can have an effect on the classes they have already taken or need to take. In addition all students will be required to remain in the endorsement program for a minimum of two years after which time a parent may meet with school officials to discuss the students progress and opt their child out of the program and back to the FHSP program. But let's say that the student does not opt out and continues to move forward...the next level on the plan would then be the Distinguished Level of Achievement. Under this plan, students would have to complete the FHSP, one or more endorsement plans, a 4th Math course including Algebra 2, and a 4th science course. Moving up from the Distinguished Level of Achievement students then could become eligible to earn performance acknowledgements on their diploma for the following categories: dual credit, bilingualism/biliteracy, advanced placement, PSAT, SAT, ACT, and/or a Business or Industry license or certification. In all honesty, this plan is not much different from our current offered graduation plans except for the addition of the five endorsements and the fact that our children will now have to decided in the 8th grade what career path they would like to follow and then confirm that path in writing to the district during their Freshman year. 

Now if you're anything like me you are screaming to yourself "are  you serious" right about now. And honestly this is what I was doing as Dr. Rideout jokingly remarked "...because our 8th graders know what the want to do when they graduate." I was still screaming internally afterwards about how profound this idea is. I mean, can you really imagine being 13 or 14 years old and being asked to select a career path or a major course of study? At 13 and 14 years of age our children are already dealing with so much. Their bodies are going through some of the greatest changes that the human body ever experiences. They are battling hormones and trying to discover just where they fit in. They are preparing for their first dates. They are leaving behind their early childhood and transitioning into the beginning of their young adult lives. They are too young to work, to young to vote, over opinionated on everything, and too young to drive yet we are asking them to decide on a course of study program that will direct them where they need to be for the next four years of their lives without having had the opportunities or experiences that are often involved in such decision making. High school is supposed to be a time of fun, a time for our children to begin to learn their place in this world, and a time to express their individualities. Heck, I'm almost 35 years old and I'm still sorting out who I am yet, we now expect our 13 and 14 year olds to have their own answers about who they are and what they want to be. This all just sounds a little absurd.

Nonetheless, I sat and I listened to Dr. Rideout as she explained this new graduation plan and I came to realize that our kids today are not like we once were. The competition for them in life is tough and we have to prepare them as best as we can. Today's kindergartners are expected to know the things that we didn't learn until first and second grade. Third graders have to be proficient in multiplication, division, reading, writing, and problem solving while we were just learning to add and subtract properly. Sixth graders are doing fractions and decimals and algebra and geometry; we were playing kickball and had recess twice a day. High school students are tackling calculus, trigonometry, anatomy & physiology and are taking dual credit courses whereas we were still complaining about Algebra and Biology. Gone are the days of partying all night, taking random classes to see what you like or don't like, and just taking the time to enjoy being young. In order to keep our students prepared for college and life after high school our districts are being forced to alter their graduation plans to include areas of speciality because a general high school education just is not enough any more. Companies want students who are already trained so we have to begin to train them younger. This my friends is what happens when we allow big business and legislation to control the path of our state boards of education. I'll admit also that while I still don't agree with the enforcement of such graduation plans, I do understand their necessity and the varied opportunities that they will give our children. Perhaps, if nothing else, they will help more of our students prosper in their academic careers and allow for more students to graduate. 

If you are still reading my post at this point I truly thank you and ask that you bear with me just a little longer. Our next topic is really a topic of many heated discussions but one that is extremely important. 

Dr. Rideout also presented to us the Index of Standards which are used to determine whether or not a district/school has successfully met and passed the standards for the STAAR Test as they are written by the Texas Education Association. As you can see on the handout below, each district has to pass the standards that are listed under each index in a serious of four. If for any reason a district fails to pass one of the indexes, that district will be considered to have not met or passed the standards of the test and are listed as "needs improvement." To make it a little easier to understand it is best if you look at the indexes in the following manner:

Index 1: How many students total passed the test

Index 2: Did all of the students make progress on the text?

Index 3: Did the students who are economically challenged and those who scored the lowest last year score higher this year?

Index 4: Are your students achieving at their highest possible levels?

Basically what this means is that every student across the state of Texas, no matter what their language capabilities, learn disabilities, or special needs may be, has to take the same test. The results for each grade level, each campus, and each district are then tallied up to determine the overall number of students who successfully passed the STAAR Test (Index 1). Index 2 then breaks down the district scores into ten subcategories (all students, 7 race/ethnicity groups, students with disabilities, and ELL students) and asks if the students in these categories made progress that was equivalent to one years worth of improvement on their tests. Index 3 then looks at the scores of those students who are impoverished and who were reported as being in two of the lowest performing racial groups for the district to determine if they have shown any improvement from last years scores. Finally, index 4 takes a look at each kid to determine how they are fairing overall. For elementary and middle school students the only scores that are counted are the scores from the STAAR Test. For high school students, the TEA takes into consideration not only their STAAR scores but also their individual subject areas and grades. All of these things combined are what helps to determine the success of our children and the future of our schools and teachers.

This by far is not a fair system. Districts who are small and who have little diversity in their students often fair better than our inner city districts. The one size fits all theme ensures that our students are on a playing field that is mottled with potholes which prevent any sense of a level playing field. And by having such stringent standards that our districts must meet in order to be viewed as successful much of the burden and stress is passed onto our students. If a child fails a test that was designed for all and not for him specifically he becomes a statistic. That statistic determines the worth of his teacher, the worth of his school, and the worth of his district. Because of his failing grade (if he is in 5th or 8th grade) he may not advance to the next grade level, his teacher may not have her job next year, his school may not become a recognized school, and his district may be labeled as a district that needs improving and may lose funding. That's a lot of pressure to put on a child and yet we do it every year. As Dr. Rideout put it this morning "When STAAR Testing began our kids didn't suddenly forget how to write. They have been writing for the TAKS test for a long time and they were doing good. When STAAR happened it seemed like they suddenly forgot and everyone did poorly. The truth is, when STAAR started they changed the way in which they graded our students' writings and they did not tell us. Teaching our kids to write to meet the new standards is not something that we could change over the course of one year after having taught them to write a specific way for so long. But now, we are making those changes and our kids are doing better. The STAAR is not only different but it is the most difficult test our kids have ever received." Now, I'll ask you this...if a district leader is saying that this test is that tough why as parents and communities aren't we screaming at the TEA and Legislature to change something? Our children, our teachers, and our school districts are the futures of our communities. Having someone sitting in an office in Austin telling them what they are worth based upon a standardized test that is too difficult and requires too many standards to be met seems preposterous.

If you would like more information about the Mesquite Independent School District please feel free to check out their website: www.mesquiteisd.org

For more information about the Texas Education Agency and STAAR Testing please feel free to visit:

http://www.tea.state.tx.us/index.aspx

Thank you for reading and for supporting public education!

All I Need Is Love

With Valentine's Day fast approaching the stores are fully stocked with everything red and pink, florists are gearing up for their busiest day of the year, and men everywhere ate trying to find that perfect something that says 'I Love You'.

Valentine's Day has become so commercialized that even those who don't celebrate it find it hard to escape the effects that this holiday brings: excitement, love, lust, depression, loneliness, anger, and disappointment.

As we sat talking tonight my husband asked me that same question that he asks me every year "Do you want something for Valentine's Day?" As he asked the question I could already see the regret in his eyes for asking and his fear of the answer he thought I may give. With a smile and a shrug here is my response:

I do not expect anything. Like many other women around the world, I hope that I will receive something, but that something does not have to come from a store. What I hope to receive on Valentine's Day is nothing more than I hope to receive from you every other day: love, kindness, support, and respect.

Do for me as you hope to one day watch another man do for your daughter.  Give to me the things that you hope to teach to your son about love and happiness. Love is not something that happens only once per year. It should be celebrated and displayed daily. 

Love isn't found in a box of chocolates, a card, a bouquet of flowers, or a jewelry box. It is in the time that we spend together talking, holding hands, laughing, arguing, and helping each other. So  what I want for Valentine's Day is nothing more than you already give me everyday. If you choose to buy me something it will be greatly appreciated however please know that I do not now or have I ever expected anything.

My Rock

Wow! I can't believe that it has been a year since I posted my last blog. So much has happened during that time with our family however, today's blog isn't going to be about any of that stuff. Instead I'm going to blog about a journey that began four years ago and as of today is now complete. A journey that was long and winding, took immense amounts of dedication and determination, and one which inspired others to begin their own journeys. As of today Michael has now completed all of his requirements for his Associates Degree and I couldn't be prouder of him.

During the Fall of 2008 Michael began talking about wanting to return to school and earn his associates degree. We had many discussions and a few disagreements about when he would return, how we would pay for it, what he would study, and when he'd have time to attend classes. At the time, I'll admit that I couldn't see just how important his decision was going to be to our present and I hated the idea of him being out of the house more than he already was. I felt like it was an excuse that he was coming up with to spend more time away from home. I honestly couldn't have been more wrong.

In January 2009, Michael did the one thing that I have come to both love and hate about him...he went after what he knew he wanted regardless of how I felt. He enrolled in his first semester at Eastfield Community College and began his journey towards earning his degree.  That first semester was quite the adjustment. He enrolled in two classes, a remedial math and History 1301. We had to pay for everything upfront and he was in school several days per week in the evenings.  I was angry with him for taking so much away from us (money and time), but again I wasn't yet seeing the big picture. I also thought that there was no way he was going to keep up the schedule he was managing. I couldn't have been more wrong. That semester he finished both of his classes with A's, his employer refunded his tuition, Dalton moved back in with us, and the routine for our next four years had begun.

That Fall an entirely new normal began for our family. Dalton moved back in with his mother for another year, Alyssa began Kindergarten, and Michael enrolled in another remedial math course, earned himself a B, and completed his first year of college. We were starting to realize that this was going to be a long journey for the both of us. We still had no clue how much it would change us.

In 2010, Michael enrolled in 3 more courses. By this time he was now beginning to receive financial aid and he had a grade point average of 3.0. He was also starting to suggest that I return to school and earn my degree but,  I still was not seeing the big picture and tossed the ideas aside. I already had two failed attempts at college under my belt, we'd finally paid off my student loans, and I was in no hurry to fail at a third attempt. Michael however, was still going to work, taking his classes, and finding time for us as a family. In that year we also moved into the house we currently live in, made an unexpected trip to Louisiana for the death of my best friend's mother, Alyssa graduated Kindergarten, and Dalton moved back home. How in the hell was Michael able to keep up with everything?

By the Spring semester of 2011 my attitude towards Michael and college started to change. I was still becoming frustrated at times with his lack of time spent at home but for two years I'd sat and watched as he spent countless hours trying to do homework and study for tests. I watched as he got up every morning for work and spent an infinite amount of  hours out in the elements no matter how sick he was, how hot or cold it was, or how wet he was. When he had free time he would give in to my demands of spending time as a family. It was watching his tireless efforts and his dedication that helped inspire me to go back to school and earn my own degree. Thanks to him I began researching my own options and made plans to return to school that Fall. We were also adjusting that year to having a teenager in the house, Alyssa's first year in baseball, and a summer where we were hit hard with two family deaths back home in Louisiana. Through it all not only did Michael manage to stick with everything he had on his plate, he also managed to hold me up and keep me on track when I felt that everything was falling apart.  As if all of that wasn't enough of a feat, he also maintained a 3.53 GPA. This man really is amazing!

In 2012, Michael began stepping it up with school. During the Spring semester he knocked out 4 courses, including a scuba diving course, earned his scuba certification and ended the semester with a 3.5 GPA. For the first time in two years he took the summer off from classes but resumed in the Fall with 2 more classes and earned himself a 2.0 GPA for the semester.

Now in 2013 he has completed his last required class for his associates degree and has done so with an overall 3.4 GPA. He is a member of the Phi Theta Kappa Honors Society, has a passion for science, and hopes to have a future working with wildlife. He has persevered  when even I thought he wouldn't. Not only has he achieved a goal for himself, but he has also helped me find myself and has set an example for our kids and others to follow. And if this wasn't already enough he plans to further his education in the future. After a short break from school Michael will begin his next journey towards earning his Bachelor's Degree.

As for Michael, congratulations on finally finishing! I am so proud of you and all you have done. Thank you for setting the standards and being such a wonderful example for our children. Thank you for managing to do the things that you do and still be able to maintain a clear head and steady hand when things don't look so great and for helping keep me balanced when I needed it the most.  I know now that what you do and what you have done has not only been for yourself personally but to better the future for us and our family and for that I thank you as well. You should be proud of who you are and all you have done. I hope that you finally feel a sense of accomplishment that is long overdue and that a weight has finally been lifted from your shoulders. I know that you are not finished and there is still more you wish to do but take the time and enjoy this victory while you can.  I can't wait to walk across that stage with you in May for graduation. I love you!

Confessions of a Rebel Fat Girl

I want to share with all of my friends who are not in my weightloss groups how my progress towards a healthier lifestyle has been.  There was a time, not even a year ago yet, when I used to say that I couldn't exercise because of my asthma and knees.  I had every excuse in the book not to have to get up and do anything that would make me sweat. I hated sweating, I hated the idea of exerting myself because doing so made me feel uncomfortable, but what makes me more uncomfortable is the fact that I am fat. If anyone overweight (and I mean morbidly obese) tells you that they are happy the way they are they are lying. Being fat is not being happy. There is more times that you are sick, more joint problems, the wonderment of how others perceive you, the scrutiny over what and how much you eat, and the list goes on and on. Last year, during the Holidays, I decided that I no longer wanted to be that person. I decided that I wanted to be me. I want to live for my children; I want to do things like hike, climb, kickbox, and just be active. I want to live!

This is what I looked like when I began.
285 lbs. This picture was taken June, 2011.

About 24 weeks ago I made up my mind to change me, to make myself healthier, to become more active, to eat better, and to exercise. The journey began with a resolve to change my eating habits and to find ways in which I could be active at least 30 minutes a day. On January 29, 2012 that change began. I gave up sodas (and I was seriously addicted to them). I went out and bought a treadmill. I picked up a fitness game called Your Shape Fitness Evolved 2012 for the XBox Kinect 360 and that day my journey began. The first month of my new lifestyle was the most amazing.  In that month I was excited and embarrassed at the same time about getting on the treadmill and walking at a slow 2.0 mph for only 15 minutes. It was all that I could do, it wasn't much, but it was something. Slowly I began using the Your Shape Fitness Evolved 2012 game for 15-30 minutes at a time but I was quickly finding out that cardio was not my strong suit.  I could do the games called Wall Breaker and Cardio Boxing but I had to put them on the easy levels and I was slow.  I tried other routines on the game and for everything I tried, I couldn't get down on the floor and back up fast enough, I was winded very quickly, I was constantly thirty and needing a water break, and I was slow.  I hated it, but I wanted to prove to myself and to my family that I could do this, that I would get better, and the most important thing was that no matter how slow I was, I was up and I was doing it!  In that first month I lost 16 pounds and a total of 4.25 inches all over my body. I measure my bicep, bust, hip, and thigh.  It was amazing!

Here I am at the end of month one. 269 lbs.

During month two of my journey, I began to show lots of improvement physically. My workouts were lasting 30 minutes 5 days per week, my speed on the treadmill had increased to 2.5 mph, and my speed on the Your Shape Fitness Evolved 2012 game was also improving.  My daily routine now included a warm up that consisted of Kick It (like soccer), Wall Breaker (3 minutes on the hard level), Cardio Boxing (levels 2 & 3), African Dance (level 1) or Hip Hop Dance (level 1).  During this month we'd taken a camping trip for Spring Break and I'd even gotten up in the mornings to do a 30 minute walk around the campgrounds for exercise. If you know me, this was a big deal. I've been camping many times with my family and never did I get up to go "walking" around the campsite. If I couldn't drive to it or if it wasn't just right across the street from us I was not going to it.  Sad I know but its the truth. During this month I continued to eat healthy or rather healthier and my only choice of refreshment was water. I was seriously consuming about 100 ounces per day. My weightloss for this month was 5 pounds and my inches lost were 3.75 inches. This now gave me a total of 21 pounds and 8 inches lost. I was really starting to feel great about myself!

This is me at the end of month 2. 264 lbs and
starting to get some of my curves back.

Month three for me is where I feel I really started to turn things around physically.  It was during this month that I really began to increase my workouts and to push myself farther than I had pushed myself before.  My water intake had increased to an average of 124 ounces of water per day and my workouts were now lasting 45 minutes to an hour 3-5 days per week.  The majority of my workouts were happening with the Your Shape Fitness Evolved 2012 program and I was now doing a warm up routine of Kick-It, Hula, and Wall -Breaker (hard level) and a workout routine of Cardio Boxing (level 4), Abs (level 1 & 2), Legs (level 1 & 2), Glutes (level 1), arms (level 1 & 2), strength and toning (level 1, 2, & 3), and run around the world races either all four London races (1.92003 miles) or all four New York races (1.65906 miles). When i did get on the treadmill I was doing a speed of 2.8 mph for 30 minutes. During month three I lost 4 pounds and 2.75 inches for a total loss of 25 pounds and 10.75 inches.  My confidence was really starting to build and I was believing that I could do anything.  At the end of this month I signed up for my first ever gym membership!

The end of month 3. I'm now 260 lbs!

Month four continued to be a month of increasing improvement.  I now had a membership to 24 Hour Fitness and began going immediately. My time spent working out at the gym was kept at an hour and I was now using machines and muscles that I hadn't used before.  In the beginning I was limited to only using the recumbent bike for about 25 minutes at a time for cardio workouts (my knees need some serious rehabilitation) and I was alternating my days of using the upper body weight resistance machines and the lower body weight resistance machines. I was averaging in about forty minutes to an hour per day at the gym for five days a week. By the middle of the month I had increased my cardio workouts to include the treadmill for 15 minutes at a speed of 3.0 mph and the recumbent bike for 15 minutes with a resistance level of 4. I still couldn't handle the elliptical but I was determined that I would one day and by the end of the month I'd begun to add in the elliptical for 25 minutes. During the month I'd lost another 4 pounds and 1.75 inches for a total loss of 29 pounds and 12.5 inches.  My strength was definitely building, my endurance improving, and my size still dropping. I felt as if I was on cloud nine. The realization of what I was doing at that point compared to what I was doing just four months ago was incredible.

Now I'm at the end of month five and weight wise things have stalled out.  For the first twelve days of this month I missed going to the gym and working out because the family had about a two week bout of illnesses that prevented me from leaving the house.  It had all started the month before with strep throat and pink eye being passed back and forth between the two youngest for several weeks but when June rolled around the strep came back along with a bad stomach bug that we just couldn't shake. It was miserable and I was miserable. I constantly berated myself for not getting any workouts in but have come to realize that I was needed more at home.  Of course with the illnesses keeping us homebound our eating habits quickly deteriorated to lots of quick fix meals and fast food pickups, my water intake greatly decreased, and I'd incorporated a soda here and there back into my diet. At the beginning of the month I was really starting to feel pressure from my weightloss group about losing the weight and needing my numbers to continue to go down and I started to begin with a bout of depression over it all (which for a fat girl is not a good thing). I wanted to throw the towel in and say to hell with it all. The scale every week either showed no loss at all or would move up and down four pounds. It was making me crazy.  I wanted to cry. I wanted to fight. I wanted to eat junk. I wanted to crawl into a dark space and hide. After those twelve days passed and everyone in our home seemed to be returning back to normal I did get back on the horse and got my butt back to the gym.  Now my time on the elliptical has increased to forty minutes per day while I alternate the cross ramps/vertical height of the machine from an incline of 10 (climbing uphill) to an incline of 5 (cross country skiing with a slight incline) every ten minutes with a resistance level of 5 (sort of like walking in the dirt rather than on pavement) which is a little harder than no resistance at all.  I no longer utilize the recumbent bike or treadmill and I have increased my weights on the resistance machines. I am still averaging in about five days per week at the gym. My strength and endurance continue to improve and my body has still shown a loss of 1 inch for the month. While my weight did not go down this month it did remain the same and I am happy about that.  This month could have easily been the month that would have derailed me from the momentum that I have had going but I am happy to say that it did not.  While I continue to dream of a day that I will be thin and what I think will be an optimal weight and look for me physically I have come to understand this month that being skinny is not what is important. What is important for me right now is that I am doing things now that I would have never dreamed of doing a year ago.  I am no longer saying that I can not do something because of my asthma or my knees.  My health is improving and it is more important for me to be healthy and active than it is for me to be thin.  The being thin will come with time and I look forward to that day but for now I am content with being healthy.  I look forward to the day when summer passes and I can take my family camping again and while camping take them on a hike or do some rock climbing. I am ready for that challenge.  I look forward to attempting a mud run in October and proving to myself that the only obstacle standing in my way is myself.  I look forward to going back to that doctor who once told me that I needed weight loss surgery in order to lose the weight and showing him that he was wrong. More importantly, I look forward to those hour workouts that I get at the gym. A time where it is me, pushing myself and proving to myself just what I am capable of doing.  Proving to myself that it can be done with hard work and dedication and without the need of some fad diet, some magic weightloss pill, or some surgery. This is no longer a journey of weightloss, it is now a healthier lifestyle that I plan to maintain.

This is me today. 256 lbs.
29 pounds lighter and 14.5 inches smaller.

Here are all of the pictures side by side:

Introducing Cinder-Pumpkin

This October the 2nd graders at McKenzie Elementary School have been working on a creative writing project.  The goal of the project was to have the kids create stories in the classroom and then decorate pumpkins at home.  The decorated pumpkins could be created out of anything but had to be based off of the main character in the child's story.



Coming soon to the blog, Cinder-Pumpkin!, a new story from the creative mind of Alyssa  In this Halloween tale, Alyssa's main character Cinder-Pumpkin is based upon the classic Disney Princess Cinderella.  In her tale of hope, despair, disappointment, escape and romance Alyssa takes Cinder-Pumpkin on a harrowing ride in search of her one true love.  In the beginning our pumpkin princess is invited to the Prince's ball.  On the night of the ball she is attacked my mice, who violently tear Cinder-pumpkin's new ball gown to shreds.  In despair, Cinder-pumpkin runs to her step-pumpkin for help and discovers that instead of helping Cinder-pumpkin, the wicked step-pumpkin has other plans for her.  Cinder-pumpkin is bitten and takes on the form of a frog.  As a frog, Cinder-pumpkin must travel the world in search of the only person who can break the spell.  Her travels take her across all of the continents until she ends up in Antarctica and in the presence of her one true love.  In order to break the spell Cinder-pumpkin must remake her destroyed dress and get the prince to fall in love with her.  Upon falling in love, the prince must then kiss Cinder-pumpkin and return her to her pumpkin form. 

The picture to the right is our paper mache creation of the main character Cinder-Pumpkin. I really wish that we had pictures of us creating the character but with it being just me here with the kids and our hands being covered in glue there was no way that anyone was touching the camera until we were done.  In order to make the pumpkin we used the following supplies:

1-paper/foam plate
1-latex balloon
strips of orange construction paper
1-bottle Elmer's glue
2-white bead necklaces
1-white foam sheet
1sheet red felt
1 sheet yellow felt
1 sheet blue felt
1-Cinderella headband
1-permanent marker (black)
1- pair of scissors
1-paper clip
1-paint brush

With our materials gathered we were ready to begin.

Step 1: We poured half a bottle of glue onto the paper plate.
Step 2: We blew up the balloon to the desired size for our pumpkin.
Step 3:  We dipped the strips of construction paper into the glue and placed them onto the balloon.  We continued to do this until the entire balloon was covered in orange construction paper. (Be careful to leave the tied portion of the balloon exposed. You will need something to hold on to and a place to insert the paperclip for hanging.)
Step 4: With the balloon covered with strips of construction paper, we then painted a thin coat of glue on top of the construction paper. (Be sure to cover the entire surface)
Step 5: With the blow dryer set to it's cool air setting we then hung the pumpkin and used the blow dryer to dry the glue.  This took us approximately 20 minutes to do so but if you're not in any hurry you could always just hang it up to dry overnight.
Step 6:  We cut little strips of yellow felt, folded them over and glued them to the top of the pumpkin as the hair.
Step 7:  We cut two triangles out of the white foam (pumpkin eyes) and two penny sized circles out of the blue felt (eyeballs).  We then glued the blue felt to the center of the triangles and glued the triangles to the pumpkin.
Step 8: We cut a pair of lips out of the red felt, drew in a line with a black permanent marker to show the separation of the top and bottom lip then glued the lips to the pumpkin.
Step 9: We placed the headband on top of the pumpkin.
Step 10:  We cut some eyelashes from the yellow felt and glued them next to the outsides of the eyes.
Step 11: We glued one beaded necklace to the bottom as a necklace for the pumpkin (you may have to cut the necklace to size) and cut two beads off of the 2nd necklace and glued them onto the pumpkin as earrings.
Step 12: Using the permanent marker we drew eyebrows about the eyes.

I have to say that while this project was not hard to do at all it was extremely messy.  Our hands were covered in glue as were the cardboard protectors that I laid on the table before starting.  If you plan on doing this with a younger child I would suggest using aprons or smocks to protect your clothes and some sort of covering to protect your work space. Of course by using the Elmer's washable glue the mess all cleaned up easily and no damage was done.

It was a fun project and Alyssa was able to not only see but help create a visual of her main character.  She was so excited and can't wait to bring it to school tomorrow to show it off.  I can't wait for her to bring home her story.  I'm thinking that when that happens I'll set her up and video her reading Cinder-Pumpkin for all of us to enjoy.  Now to go find our Halloween decorations!

Revelations and Inspiration

Everyone gets inspired somewhere, sometime, and by some thing in life.  It's the where, the when and the what that changes for each individual.  For some we are inspired to follow a passion and we can spend a lifetime working with that passion.  For others, inspiration comes and goes in a variety of shapes and we may spend our lives devoted to several projects rather than just one.  Whatever it is that inspires you, no matter how many times the subject matter may change, the important thing is that you were inspired and within the process of following that inspiration you discovered a revelation about yourself.  This is where I am now. 

Due to economic pressures, I have been inspired to go back to school in order to obtain a degree so that I may return to the workforce in the near future.  I would like to make it absolutely clear that for the past eight years I have been content with being a stay-at-home mother.  My legacy is my children and it lies in their failures and success.  There is nothing in life that I could do greater than raising, caring for, providing for, teaching and loving my children.  The only problem is that in a society where our economy seems to be failing while the cost of living is rising it is becoming increasingly difficult to continue to provide for a family of five on a single salary of less than $45,000 per year.  So with Cayden getting close to being school age, Michael having been in college since 2009 and the increasing need for more income (not to mention setting an example for our children), I enrolled in our local community college and began classes this past August; my degree program being An Associates of Arts degree with an emphasis in instrumental ensemble and a teacher certification.

My initial inspiration for picking an Arts degree with a teacher certification seemed pretty standard.  I spent all of my primary and secondary educational years learning and playing music.  When I entered into college in the fall of 1997 I was a music major. I loved music and still have a great appreciation for it. With this sort of background in music it seemed only natural that I should continue to pursue a degree that would emphasize on music.  My next inspiration came from the increasing contact that I was experiencing with the children who attend school with Alyssa.  As I have spent more and more time at her elementary school volunteering and having more contact with the teachers and students I began to develop a desire to teach. The attentiveness, excitement, trust and willingness that each child displays on a daily basis is amazing. In a society today where everything and everyone always seems busy and rushed all these kids are looking for is for someone to take an interest in them; someone to show that they care about them; and someone who is willing to give them a few moments of their time.  This is where the teachers come into play. I have witnessed first hand how a teacher can make a huge difference in a child's life just by showing them a little individualized attention; by finding solutions to their behavioral problems rather than discarding them; and by supporting their students both within the classroom and in outside activities.  At the end of the day, after the students have gone the teacher's job is still not complete. In our school the teachers have been known to make an appearance at a student's birthday party or sporting event.  They have been known to give out their personal cell phone numbers to the student's parents and will take phone calls sometimes after 9pm with a willingness to answer and questions the parent may have.  They have also been known to organize special activities and make transportation arrangements so that students whose parents work would be able to attend an educational events after school hours. It is because of this that I have decided that I too would like to be a teacher.

My next source of inspiration comes from my nephew, Justin.  For those of you who know me or who read my blog you will recall that just three short months ago Justin took his own life.  There still are no answers as to why he did so and there probably never will be.  The morning that it happened everything for him was going as usual and there we no indicators of what that afternoon would bring.  Something, somewhere, within a moments notice, went horribly wrong for him and in an instantaneous decision that was made by him, whatever it was ended.  As a result of this loss the lives of many people have been dramatically changed; however, none more than that of his mother and father.  In the first 24 hours of receiving the news I, just like many others, spent a great deal of time crying, grieving and asking why.  I wanted someone to blame and wanted to know just what happened.  Being almost 600 miles away from where everyone else was left me with virtually nothing.  I am a realist who needs to know the details and truth no matter how harsh or gruesome they may be, but how do you ask such things in a situation like this?  The answer is....you don't.  You wait and let the details reveal themselves. Finally though, I have received many of the details about that day and the weeks preceding it and I would like to apologize to my sister for her having to relive some of those events.  While the details still provide no incite or information as to why we have ended up where we are it has inspired something within me to do something.  At first I wasn't quite sure what it is that I should be doing ,and in some aspects I am still not sure, but I am confident that the tracks have been laid for me and the rest will begin to fall into place.  Because of Justin I have been inspired first off to spend more time with my family and looking upon life differently.  The constant stress, worry, and anxiety is not what life is supposed to be about and I am working towards letting each of those go.  I have also begun to re-evaluate the pressures that as parents Michael and I may place on our children.  Of course we would like to see them exceed and excel but does that mean that there's no room for failure?  Of course it doesn't. What it means is that we want them to do things and experience things that they like. We want them to pass but if failure comes after they have tried their best well that's okay.  It is failure at the hands of not even trying that is unacceptable.

Another thing that I have been inspired to do as a result of Justin's death is to become involved in something, perhaps a non-profit organization.  Already I have created my own design of t-shirt geared towards suicide education and prevention.  I have even considered setting up my own website promoting the education and prevention of suicide but I just haven't decided exactly where to begin.  I have signed up to attend the "Dallas Survivors of Suicide Day Conference" in November and I have dedicated my web page project for my anthropology class to the study of suicide (a work still in progress).  I believe that suicide is a crime that leaves behind many victims and people of all ages need to be educated on what it is and how it can be prevented. I also believe that research needs to continue in understanding what suicide really is and what triggers it.  What causes a person to not only think about taking their own life, but to have the courage to actually do it?

My final inspiration as of late has come at the hands of my anthropology class.  This is a class that, when I registered for it, my advisor heavily discouraged me taking.  She argued that it was irrelevant to my degree program and would virtually be a waste of my time.  I argued that I could use it as a humanities credit and wanted to keep it.  In the end she convinced me to drop the Spanish class that I was enrolled in (because it too was irrelevant according to her) and I was able to keep the anthropology class; a decision that I am happy I made.  As it turns out, the further we move along into this semester the more interested I am becoming in anthropology.  I find that I actually enjoy learning about culture, ethics, and evolution.  I am finding that the anthropologist way of thinking and seeing the world is quite similar to my own; thus I am considering a change in degree programs and majors.  I love to question where we came from, how we got here, why people do what they do, what makes us tick, how we evolved and our place in the universe.  Never have I been one to take something at face value without questioning it's reasoning and origination.  Now I am in no way trying to insight a discussion on religion or anti-religion but when it comes to some things I just need more of an answer than "that's how God created it" or "you just have to have faith".  Religious leaders have always stood by their belief that God created the earth (Genesis 1:1) while scientists rely upon their belief of The Big Bang Theory.  When it comes to the religious aspects of it all I've always wondered how God created the earth.  Where was he standing?  Did space even exist?  What then would Earth have been modeled after and were then did God's realm and the God's come from? Who created them?  (Again, not inciting any discussions just explaining how I think). Unfortunately it is this way of thinking that has isolated me from many people in life because my thought process was considered sacrilegious, agnostic and wrong.  As a teen many labeled me an atheist or devil worshipper (something that I know now was a attributed only to their ignorance and lack of understanding).

So to get back on subject, basically I have developed an interest in anthropology and am considering a change of study.  I still have the desire to teach and can still acquire a teaching certification with any degree that I choose so no problem there. The problem lies with the music.  I still very much appreciate music and have some real ideas on ways that I could help change or mold the way that it is taught in our elementary schools.  I have a great understanding of how music works and can surely understand how to read it and interpret it's theories. However, I no longer consider myself to be a true musician.  I am just an amateur.  I have always played music by sight only and totally suck when it comes to recognizing things by ear.  I have not played music (outside of my home) in the past 13 years and I know that I am quite rusty at it.  I know that if given the opportunity I could begin to play again and reach the levels at which I once played but it would only be for self gratification. I have found that I have made excuses for not taking the ensemble and recital classes that are required every semester for a music major and can say that I have done so because I can recall the pressures of those classes when I attended Nicholls State University and how those pressures ruined my passion for music (something I do not wish to repeat).  So for now I think that I will continue to "experiment" with the anthropology classes whilst I continue my core education requirements and hope that my true path will become clear soon.  I want to stay close to music but am trying to find some way that I can incorporate it into the field of anthropology.  This of course will take some time and research in order to determine if the two can be combined and if it would be valuable.  So while I continue to ponder my future and the changes that I wish to make I'll leave you with some of the music that I have found both inspirational and helpful in getting me to think:







If Today Was Your Last Day~Nickelback





Savin Me~Nickelback