Everyone gets inspired somewhere, sometime, and by some thing in life. It's the where, the when and the what that changes for each individual. For some we are inspired to follow a passion and we can spend a lifetime working with that passion. For others, inspiration comes and goes in a variety of shapes and we may spend our lives devoted to several projects rather than just one. Whatever it is that inspires you, no matter how many times the subject matter may change, the important thing is that you were inspired and within the process of following that inspiration you discovered a revelation about yourself. This is where I am now.
Due to economic pressures, I have been inspired to go back to school in order to obtain a degree so that I may return to the workforce in the near future. I would like to make it absolutely clear that for the past eight years I have been content with being a stay-at-home mother. My legacy is my children and it lies in their failures and success. There is nothing in life that I could do greater than raising, caring for, providing for, teaching and loving my children. The only problem is that in a society where our economy seems to be failing while the cost of living is rising it is becoming increasingly difficult to continue to provide for a family of five on a single salary of less than $45,000 per year. So with Cayden getting close to being school age, Michael having been in college since 2009 and the increasing need for more income (not to mention setting an example for our children), I enrolled in our local community college and began classes this past August; my degree program being An Associates of Arts degree with an emphasis in instrumental ensemble and a teacher certification.
My initial inspiration for picking an Arts degree with a teacher certification seemed pretty standard. I spent all of my primary and secondary educational years learning and playing music. When I entered into college in the fall of 1997 I was a music major. I loved music and still have a great appreciation for it. With this sort of background in music it seemed only natural that I should continue to pursue a degree that would emphasize on music. My next inspiration came from the increasing contact that I was experiencing with the children who attend school with Alyssa. As I have spent more and more time at her elementary school volunteering and having more contact with the teachers and students I began to develop a desire to teach. The attentiveness, excitement, trust and willingness that each child displays on a daily basis is amazing. In a society today where everything and everyone always seems busy and rushed all these kids are looking for is for someone to take an interest in them; someone to show that they care about them; and someone who is willing to give them a few moments of their time. This is where the teachers come into play. I have witnessed first hand how a teacher can make a huge difference in a child's life just by showing them a little individualized attention; by finding solutions to their behavioral problems rather than discarding them; and by supporting their students both within the classroom and in outside activities. At the end of the day, after the students have gone the teacher's job is still not complete. In our school the teachers have been known to make an appearance at a student's birthday party or sporting event. They have been known to give out their personal cell phone numbers to the student's parents and will take phone calls sometimes after 9pm with a willingness to answer and questions the parent may have. They have also been known to organize special activities and make transportation arrangements so that students whose parents work would be able to attend an educational events after school hours. It is because of this that I have decided that I too would like to be a teacher.
My next source of inspiration comes from my nephew, Justin. For those of you who know me or who read my blog you will recall that just three short months ago Justin took his own life. There still are no answers as to why he did so and there probably never will be. The morning that it happened everything for him was going as usual and there we no indicators of what that afternoon would bring. Something, somewhere, within a moments notice, went horribly wrong for him and in an instantaneous decision that was made by him, whatever it was ended. As a result of this loss the lives of many people have been dramatically changed; however, none more than that of his mother and father. In the first 24 hours of receiving the news I, just like many others, spent a great deal of time crying, grieving and asking why. I wanted someone to blame and wanted to know just what happened. Being almost 600 miles away from where everyone else was left me with virtually nothing. I am a realist who needs to know the details and truth no matter how harsh or gruesome they may be, but how do you ask such things in a situation like this? The answer is....you don't. You wait and let the details reveal themselves. Finally though, I have received many of the details about that day and the weeks preceding it and I would like to apologize to my sister for her having to relive some of those events. While the details still provide no incite or information as to why we have ended up where we are it has inspired something within me to do something. At first I wasn't quite sure what it is that I should be doing ,and in some aspects I am still not sure, but I am confident that the tracks have been laid for me and the rest will begin to fall into place. Because of Justin I have been inspired first off to spend more time with my family and looking upon life differently. The constant stress, worry, and anxiety is not what life is supposed to be about and I am working towards letting each of those go. I have also begun to re-evaluate the pressures that as parents Michael and I may place on our children. Of course we would like to see them exceed and excel but does that mean that there's no room for failure? Of course it doesn't. What it means is that we want them to do things and experience things that they like. We want them to pass but if failure comes after they have tried their best well that's okay. It is failure at the hands of not even trying that is unacceptable.
Another thing that I have been inspired to do as a result of Justin's death is to become involved in something, perhaps a non-profit organization. Already I have created my own design of t-shirt geared towards suicide education and prevention. I have even considered setting up my own website promoting the education and prevention of suicide but I just haven't decided exactly where to begin. I have signed up to attend the "Dallas Survivors of Suicide Day Conference" in November and I have dedicated my web page project for my anthropology class to the study of suicide (a work still in progress). I believe that suicide is a crime that leaves behind many victims and people of all ages need to be educated on what it is and how it can be prevented. I also believe that research needs to continue in understanding what suicide really is and what triggers it. What causes a person to not only think about taking their own life, but to have the courage to actually do it?
My final inspiration as of late has come at the hands of my anthropology class. This is a class that, when I registered for it, my advisor heavily discouraged me taking. She argued that it was irrelevant to my degree program and would virtually be a waste of my time. I argued that I could use it as a humanities credit and wanted to keep it. In the end she convinced me to drop the Spanish class that I was enrolled in (because it too was irrelevant according to her) and I was able to keep the anthropology class; a decision that I am happy I made. As it turns out, the further we move along into this semester the more interested I am becoming in anthropology. I find that I actually enjoy learning about culture, ethics, and evolution. I am finding that the anthropologist way of thinking and seeing the world is quite similar to my own; thus I am considering a change in degree programs and majors. I love to question where we came from, how we got here, why people do what they do, what makes us tick, how we evolved and our place in the universe. Never have I been one to take something at face value without questioning it's reasoning and origination. Now I am in no way trying to insight a discussion on religion or anti-religion but when it comes to some things I just need more of an answer than "that's how God created it" or "you just have to have faith". Religious leaders have always stood by their belief that God created the earth (Genesis 1:1) while scientists rely upon their belief of The Big Bang Theory. When it comes to the religious aspects of it all I've always wondered how God created the earth. Where was he standing? Did space even exist? What then would Earth have been modeled after and were then did God's realm and the God's come from? Who created them? (Again, not inciting any discussions just explaining how I think). Unfortunately it is this way of thinking that has isolated me from many people in life because my thought process was considered sacrilegious, agnostic and wrong. As a teen many labeled me an atheist or devil worshipper (something that I know now was a attributed only to their ignorance and lack of understanding).
So to get back on subject, basically I have developed an interest in anthropology and am considering a change of study. I still have the desire to teach and can still acquire a teaching certification with any degree that I choose so no problem there. The problem lies with the music. I still very much appreciate music and have some real ideas on ways that I could help change or mold the way that it is taught in our elementary schools. I have a great understanding of how music works and can surely understand how to read it and interpret it's theories. However, I no longer consider myself to be a true musician. I am just an amateur. I have always played music by sight only and totally suck when it comes to recognizing things by ear. I have not played music (outside of my home) in the past 13 years and I know that I am quite rusty at it. I know that if given the opportunity I could begin to play again and reach the levels at which I once played but it would only be for self gratification. I have found that I have made excuses for not taking the ensemble and recital classes that are required every semester for a music major and can say that I have done so because I can recall the pressures of those classes when I attended Nicholls State University and how those pressures ruined my passion for music (something I do not wish to repeat). So for now I think that I will continue to "experiment" with the anthropology classes whilst I continue my core education requirements and hope that my true path will become clear soon. I want to stay close to music but am trying to find some way that I can incorporate it into the field of anthropology. This of course will take some time and research in order to determine if the two can be combined and if it would be valuable. So while I continue to ponder my future and the changes that I wish to make I'll leave you with some of the music that I have found both inspirational and helpful in getting me to think:
If Today Was Your Last Day~Nickelback
Savin Me~Nickelback
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