Confessions of a Rebel Fat Girl

I want to share with all of my friends who are not in my weightloss groups how my progress towards a healthier lifestyle has been.  There was a time, not even a year ago yet, when I used to say that I couldn't exercise because of my asthma and knees.  I had every excuse in the book not to have to get up and do anything that would make me sweat. I hated sweating, I hated the idea of exerting myself because doing so made me feel uncomfortable, but what makes me more uncomfortable is the fact that I am fat. If anyone overweight (and I mean morbidly obese) tells you that they are happy the way they are they are lying. Being fat is not being happy. There is more times that you are sick, more joint problems, the wonderment of how others perceive you, the scrutiny over what and how much you eat, and the list goes on and on. Last year, during the Holidays, I decided that I no longer wanted to be that person. I decided that I wanted to be me. I want to live for my children; I want to do things like hike, climb, kickbox, and just be active. I want to live!

This is what I looked like when I began.
285 lbs. This picture was taken June, 2011.

About 24 weeks ago I made up my mind to change me, to make myself healthier, to become more active, to eat better, and to exercise. The journey began with a resolve to change my eating habits and to find ways in which I could be active at least 30 minutes a day. On January 29, 2012 that change began. I gave up sodas (and I was seriously addicted to them). I went out and bought a treadmill. I picked up a fitness game called Your Shape Fitness Evolved 2012 for the XBox Kinect 360 and that day my journey began. The first month of my new lifestyle was the most amazing.  In that month I was excited and embarrassed at the same time about getting on the treadmill and walking at a slow 2.0 mph for only 15 minutes. It was all that I could do, it wasn't much, but it was something. Slowly I began using the Your Shape Fitness Evolved 2012 game for 15-30 minutes at a time but I was quickly finding out that cardio was not my strong suit.  I could do the games called Wall Breaker and Cardio Boxing but I had to put them on the easy levels and I was slow.  I tried other routines on the game and for everything I tried, I couldn't get down on the floor and back up fast enough, I was winded very quickly, I was constantly thirty and needing a water break, and I was slow.  I hated it, but I wanted to prove to myself and to my family that I could do this, that I would get better, and the most important thing was that no matter how slow I was, I was up and I was doing it!  In that first month I lost 16 pounds and a total of 4.25 inches all over my body. I measure my bicep, bust, hip, and thigh.  It was amazing!

Here I am at the end of month one. 269 lbs.

During month two of my journey, I began to show lots of improvement physically. My workouts were lasting 30 minutes 5 days per week, my speed on the treadmill had increased to 2.5 mph, and my speed on the Your Shape Fitness Evolved 2012 game was also improving.  My daily routine now included a warm up that consisted of Kick It (like soccer), Wall Breaker (3 minutes on the hard level), Cardio Boxing (levels 2 & 3), African Dance (level 1) or Hip Hop Dance (level 1).  During this month we'd taken a camping trip for Spring Break and I'd even gotten up in the mornings to do a 30 minute walk around the campgrounds for exercise. If you know me, this was a big deal. I've been camping many times with my family and never did I get up to go "walking" around the campsite. If I couldn't drive to it or if it wasn't just right across the street from us I was not going to it.  Sad I know but its the truth. During this month I continued to eat healthy or rather healthier and my only choice of refreshment was water. I was seriously consuming about 100 ounces per day. My weightloss for this month was 5 pounds and my inches lost were 3.75 inches. This now gave me a total of 21 pounds and 8 inches lost. I was really starting to feel great about myself!

This is me at the end of month 2. 264 lbs and
starting to get some of my curves back.

Month three for me is where I feel I really started to turn things around physically.  It was during this month that I really began to increase my workouts and to push myself farther than I had pushed myself before.  My water intake had increased to an average of 124 ounces of water per day and my workouts were now lasting 45 minutes to an hour 3-5 days per week.  The majority of my workouts were happening with the Your Shape Fitness Evolved 2012 program and I was now doing a warm up routine of Kick-It, Hula, and Wall -Breaker (hard level) and a workout routine of Cardio Boxing (level 4), Abs (level 1 & 2), Legs (level 1 & 2), Glutes (level 1), arms (level 1 & 2), strength and toning (level 1, 2, & 3), and run around the world races either all four London races (1.92003 miles) or all four New York races (1.65906 miles). When i did get on the treadmill I was doing a speed of 2.8 mph for 30 minutes. During month three I lost 4 pounds and 2.75 inches for a total loss of 25 pounds and 10.75 inches.  My confidence was really starting to build and I was believing that I could do anything.  At the end of this month I signed up for my first ever gym membership!

The end of month 3. I'm now 260 lbs!

Month four continued to be a month of increasing improvement.  I now had a membership to 24 Hour Fitness and began going immediately. My time spent working out at the gym was kept at an hour and I was now using machines and muscles that I hadn't used before.  In the beginning I was limited to only using the recumbent bike for about 25 minutes at a time for cardio workouts (my knees need some serious rehabilitation) and I was alternating my days of using the upper body weight resistance machines and the lower body weight resistance machines. I was averaging in about forty minutes to an hour per day at the gym for five days a week. By the middle of the month I had increased my cardio workouts to include the treadmill for 15 minutes at a speed of 3.0 mph and the recumbent bike for 15 minutes with a resistance level of 4. I still couldn't handle the elliptical but I was determined that I would one day and by the end of the month I'd begun to add in the elliptical for 25 minutes. During the month I'd lost another 4 pounds and 1.75 inches for a total loss of 29 pounds and 12.5 inches.  My strength was definitely building, my endurance improving, and my size still dropping. I felt as if I was on cloud nine. The realization of what I was doing at that point compared to what I was doing just four months ago was incredible.

Now I'm at the end of month five and weight wise things have stalled out.  For the first twelve days of this month I missed going to the gym and working out because the family had about a two week bout of illnesses that prevented me from leaving the house.  It had all started the month before with strep throat and pink eye being passed back and forth between the two youngest for several weeks but when June rolled around the strep came back along with a bad stomach bug that we just couldn't shake. It was miserable and I was miserable. I constantly berated myself for not getting any workouts in but have come to realize that I was needed more at home.  Of course with the illnesses keeping us homebound our eating habits quickly deteriorated to lots of quick fix meals and fast food pickups, my water intake greatly decreased, and I'd incorporated a soda here and there back into my diet. At the beginning of the month I was really starting to feel pressure from my weightloss group about losing the weight and needing my numbers to continue to go down and I started to begin with a bout of depression over it all (which for a fat girl is not a good thing). I wanted to throw the towel in and say to hell with it all. The scale every week either showed no loss at all or would move up and down four pounds. It was making me crazy.  I wanted to cry. I wanted to fight. I wanted to eat junk. I wanted to crawl into a dark space and hide. After those twelve days passed and everyone in our home seemed to be returning back to normal I did get back on the horse and got my butt back to the gym.  Now my time on the elliptical has increased to forty minutes per day while I alternate the cross ramps/vertical height of the machine from an incline of 10 (climbing uphill) to an incline of 5 (cross country skiing with a slight incline) every ten minutes with a resistance level of 5 (sort of like walking in the dirt rather than on pavement) which is a little harder than no resistance at all.  I no longer utilize the recumbent bike or treadmill and I have increased my weights on the resistance machines. I am still averaging in about five days per week at the gym. My strength and endurance continue to improve and my body has still shown a loss of 1 inch for the month. While my weight did not go down this month it did remain the same and I am happy about that.  This month could have easily been the month that would have derailed me from the momentum that I have had going but I am happy to say that it did not.  While I continue to dream of a day that I will be thin and what I think will be an optimal weight and look for me physically I have come to understand this month that being skinny is not what is important. What is important for me right now is that I am doing things now that I would have never dreamed of doing a year ago.  I am no longer saying that I can not do something because of my asthma or my knees.  My health is improving and it is more important for me to be healthy and active than it is for me to be thin.  The being thin will come with time and I look forward to that day but for now I am content with being healthy.  I look forward to the day when summer passes and I can take my family camping again and while camping take them on a hike or do some rock climbing. I am ready for that challenge.  I look forward to attempting a mud run in October and proving to myself that the only obstacle standing in my way is myself.  I look forward to going back to that doctor who once told me that I needed weight loss surgery in order to lose the weight and showing him that he was wrong. More importantly, I look forward to those hour workouts that I get at the gym. A time where it is me, pushing myself and proving to myself just what I am capable of doing.  Proving to myself that it can be done with hard work and dedication and without the need of some fad diet, some magic weightloss pill, or some surgery. This is no longer a journey of weightloss, it is now a healthier lifestyle that I plan to maintain.

This is me today. 256 lbs.
29 pounds lighter and 14.5 inches smaller.

Here are all of the pictures side by side: